幽默的英语电话留言(zz)
中国家庭并不常用电话答录机（Answering Machine),但在北美家庭，几乎家家都用。外来电话拨入时，若该电话号码的主人不在，就会让拨入者听到一段留言，这
叫Answer。绝大多数的Answer都是千篇一律的：说明主人不在，请拨入者留下简短
信息及姓名电话号码等。
以下几则特别的 Answer 体现了美国佬的幽默，你能体会出其幽默所在吗？
My wife and I can‘t come to the phone right now, but if you‘ll
leave your name and number, we‘ll get back to you as soon as we‘re
finished.
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial
aid institution, you didn‘t lend me enough money. If you are my
friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don‘t worry, I have
plenty of money.
Hi, I‘m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you
can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hi! John‘s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I‘ll stick your message to myself with
one of these magnets.*（见注）
Hello, this is Sally‘s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped
with her tape deck, so I‘m stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you
want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to
the phone.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their picture taken. If you‘re still with me, leave your name and
number and they will get back to you.
Hi. I am probably home. I‘m just avoiding someone I don‘t like.
Leave me a message, and if I don‘t call back, it‘s you.
This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-
recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling and a number where I can reach you, and I‘ll think about
returning your call.
Hi, this is George. I‘m sorry I can‘t answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
If you are a burglar, then we‘re probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can‘t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably
aren‘t home and it‘s safe to leave us a message.
You‘re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very
sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to
resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly
compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Hello, you‘ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can‘t pick up the phone
right now, because we‘re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes
doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly.
So leave a message, and when we‘re done brushing our teeth, we‘ll get
back to you.
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